What I learned in 2 0 1 9

My recent post 2019 in numbersreflect on my accomplishments. But I also want you guys to realize there’s always two sides and I want to share the not-so-good side of 2019. Last year, I did a similar post here, and I thought why not make it a tradition and reflect about what 2019 brought in my life 🙂

Never let anyone define your worth.

2019 was a challenging one because it’s my first time entering a whole new world of medical school and with it comes a lot of struggling and challenges. However, the most disturbing one is the etiquette that all the other hospital staff puts on you. How people treated me as a medical student is d i s g u s t i n g. But I remembered that despite all the insults, aggressive comments and condescending tone, no one can define my worth unless I let them do it.

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If something’s wrong, speak up. 

Do you know how many people call me a bitch for speaking my mind? I am a tornado of thoughts, the most straight forward kind of girl. But weirdly, during my first sexual harassment my mouth couldn’t say anything for a whole what I felt like an hour but it lasted 5 mins, that’s when I understood the shock that victims go through.  It happened really quickly in the subway, I sit down and I was fully clothed in my long winter coat (can’t believe I’m even writing this detail so sexist jerks don’t start commenting if I was wearing any suggestive clothes) and it was around 10PM at night, the only people remaining were 5 men in the wagon. One old man, brown skin sit down besides me and started to c a r e s s my thighs. That’s when the shock comes in, after those 5 minutes, I realized his hand was going somewhere else and I screamed so badly. I looked for support from the other men, and one was drunk, so he was smiling creepily at me, as if he was enjoying watching me being harassed by someone else. That hits me. No one actually wants to help here.  I stood up, pushed the man and when the doors open,  I kept screaming until an officer comes and escorts the man out.

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So to any girl and woman out there, when something’s wrong, trust your gut and your instinct and speak up. Make noise. Make so much noise that they are scared that they ever laid a hand on you. 

Don’t waste your energy with negative energy and pettiness.

 How we cling to unreasonable things, tiny things, that don’t change anything in the world, and yet it feels like it’s the end of the world. I learned to let all this go, no more negative- revenge- filled- narrow- mindset. It’s a work in progress, the most important part is to know when you are being petty or someone else is being petty.

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Pace Yourself.

I’ve done and achieved so many things in 2019 but it comes with a cost. For 2020, I want to pace myself and simply slow down and let life unfolds itself.  I don’t want to rush the moment, I want to enjoy every bite of food, really listen to the person in front of me and allow myself to think.

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On that note, I hope 2020 will allow me to be even stronger !

 

trang

12 comments

      • I actually know self defense moves as well. But like I mentioned in my post, the shock that comes with sexual harassment is greater than anything else, your mind goes blank. Facing that in real life is not easy. In the end, my voice was the ultimate self defense. The problem is not what what weapon I should arm myself with is that those behaviors are unacceptable to begin with and should not be allowed.

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  • All good points!
    I need to remember to not let anyone or anything define my worth too (such as; one MUST always be productive and such)

    I’m so sorry you had to experience something like this.. in a public space at that! Humans are really disgustings sometimes.. you’d think there would be atleast ONE good person to help out. But you’re right – i’ve read that it’s better to thrash around and fight as much as you can, as people like that usually like to pick easy targets; if you make yourself heard and give too much of a trouble, they’ll let you go most of the time as you’re being too much of a hassle. (mostly thinking kidnapping here, but hey – surely someone doing something innapropriate wouldn’t wanna be caught either)

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  • Great points!
    For 2020, I want to work on speaking my mind when it comes to my loved ones. I give everything to those closest to me and it’s sometimes to my disadvantage. So I want to put myself first and not take on the responsibility for everyone’s feelings and moods. I also want to keep working on not doubting myself.

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  • Im sorry you had to go through this. And I totally get what you mean about freezing up. My dad made me and my sis go on self defense classes as kids, so we know some things but mainly dont hesitate to use them. Yet when I got dragged into an alley it took way to long for me to even try push him off me. Im disgusted those other man didnt help you at all. People suck sometimes.

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  • I am so sorry you had to go through that, sometimes humans really are the worst. But I am also glad that you were able to get out of it as soon as you could. Also, you made some great points that I think I also need to keep in mind especially the first one. I tend to let things happen and that’s more times than not, really bad for me.

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  • Wow, so sorry you had to deal with these things, but you have made some very good points and hope they help others. You are a very strong person, at least it seems like it, and it is wonderful that you have shared these ideas. Stay strong and moving forward.

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  • I’m so sorry you had to go through that. It’s good to know that you’re okay through it all and here to tell people what you’ve been through so, they can learn from the experience overall. You make some really great points. Last year, I discovered that I have some codependent behaviors and I want to change them because I’m important too so, speaking up for myself is what I’m working on. Also, I’m putting my thoughts and feelings first because I know my worth and I cannot let anyone tear me down anymore.

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  • I’m really sorry you experienced that 😰 Are you okay now? I’m glad you managed to react somehow and it’s so important that you share your story!
    I wish you all the best for this new year ! 🥳

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